This first blog is about my life in my 26 years.
I was born in February 1990 in Sutton Coldfield.
I was a happy child i was just very quiet and very shy.
Nobody thought anything was wrong with me.
I thought I was just like everybody else till I was in Year 9 secondary school and so did family, doctors, friends – then I got unhappy at school I’d lost (most) of my best friends, I was being bullied and I’d generally felt depressed and sad to go to school, I started to refuse to go!!!
I was took to the local GP where I was referred to a psychiatrist but the GP certainly didn’t think I was depressed or anxious.
I was asked many questions, so were my parents – the psychiatrist came to the conclusion I am on the autistic spectrum and I am dyspraxic.
I had to see more psychiatrists who did an assessment on me and they came to the same conclusion I have MILD Autism.
Things started to change at school I got extra time in exams, I had a statement done so I could get extra help in lessons and I could go in the study room during lunch times so i wouldn’t be on my own and to be away from the crowds and noise which i couldn’t stand!
I used to get home from school and be angry i used to have huge outbursts i would go into rages – throwing things, hitting things, head banging things, breaking things – i was VERY angry and it continued for MANY years.
I left school after passing not many of my GCSE’s i went to specialist college, it was all happy and fine for the first 2 years – i made friends, passed exams, did well in my course – then I wanted to try and become independent so I became residential and i HATED it from the word GO i wanted to go home – and i hated the noise, the crowds – i was left out of social situations so i stayed in my room the majority of the week after college lessons finished for the day, except when my friend came round to see me from another hostel.
I began to feel so so depressed, isolated – suicidal I wanted to slash every bit of me open and I started to get obsessed with my weight.
I began to self-harm but it didn’t go un-noticed my parents found out who took me to the local GP once again who put me on anti-depressants and sleeping medication as also i wasn’t sleeping, I was also referred to a learning disability team for psychiatry.
I took an overdose I ended up in A&E for 6/7 hours in Birmingham.
I had no choice but to return as a day student which I was happy about but the depressed feelings remained, I continued to self harm each time getting worse, each time with a sharper object. College were concerned they checked my arms the nurse each day I turned up to college.
I had psychiatry but i never listened really just say yes after each thing they said but then they put me on an anti-depressant that had a side effect of a lot of weight gain, I was not HAPPY one little bit so i skipped it, I started to obsess about my weight, my cutting foods out majorly, counting calories and weighing myself every few hours and exercising on my wii fit three times a day even by then all i’d consume is pints of diet coke.
Community nursing, psychiatry, occupational therapist was concerned they were so close to admitting me into an eating disorder hospital my BMI was so low.
I began to eat after a blood test came back positively high in something which could lead to a heart attack which scared me but i wouldn’t take my medication anxiety, sleep, depression tablets they would be saved up or thrown out the window most days.
But my behaviour didn’t improve i continued to self-harm for many hours a day, i continued to go into outbursts, i continued to lash out and i continued to not attend college and I wouldn’t go out hardly anywhere.
I soon was admitted into a learning disability hospital in Birmingham which I was not happy about – for 18 months i wanted to go home thats where i thought i’d go but no after my discharge i went into supported living in Solihull. In that hospital my behaviour went up-down i was diagnosed with biPolar disorder and i kept self-harming i got restrained sometimes well for 1-2 months but then i started to improve after a meeting which changed everything which was to say i will be discharged no matter what i do or say, i was soon off my section and being discharged, i made a friend there who’s one of my best friends to this day and we’ve both been out of hospital for 4 years nearly.
Supported living hasn’t been too bad i’ve had to share properties with other females at 2 different times – didn’t work out but since living on my own with support staff i’ve improved a lot – i’ve become so independent, happy, calmer, not many incidents of self-harm in-fact right now at this present moment i’ve gone 5 months without touching a single blade/sharp object to cut myself with.
I see friends, i see family and i have freedom to what i want now but what i need to do is stop spending – i have a habit with spending on eBay or spending a lot !!!!! but i volunteer doing admin/charity shop work and hoping to volunteer in a library soon. I have so much more confidence than i did 4 years ago and i’m losing weight finally as i put 3/4 stone on whilst in hospital with the ‘bad’ food they gave me.
x Lucy x