Living with depression with autism … 

Hello me again !!!!! 

I have bipolar affective disorder but I have autism spectrum disorder ( on the higher functioning end ) 

I get depressive episodes not as often anymore but when I do it’s like a dark cloud has hit me ! 

I hate it I hate depression it’s the thoughts and the feelings that cause the depression to react . 

When depression is at its fullest its aggressive in the means that it makes me want to self harm and its never enough no matter how much I cut or scratch myself , makes me want to  not attend activities or give up on things I enjoy , makes me turn into a completely different person , makes me say things I don’t mean , I feel the end of life is the best way out of the depressive nightmare , makes me think of everything negative , I feel a emotional mess — but all these things make it harder for me to explain to another person my mind can go blank and not know how I feel and that’s because of my autism makes it harder to explain feelings I can get confused between a thought and a feeling . 

I feel the ups are the best feelings but then the depressive episodes ruin all the positive moments !! 

I mostly get negative / low in mood at night but on some occasions it can be weeks or days long , before medication it used to last months but I am on anti depressant and mood stabiliser medication now . 

Lucy 😀🙂 xxxx 

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