Overcoming self-harm . . .

Hello me again 🙂

I have not self harmed in 3 whole months and even 3 months ago, that was only a small amount of self-harm before that it was the end of 2016. I feel I am on the way to overcoming self-harm. It is a battle each day to ignore the urges and to be positive instead of thinking of all of the reasons to self-harm and all the negative thoughts, to be honest I wished I never began but back then it was my way of coping with difficult situations and that was back in 2008 when I was 18 when I hated residential at college I didn’t know what to do so I scratched or cut myself every evening for hours after college I just did it at any chance I had and it just continued for years. I have used it as a coping mechanism but I don’t think it helps me cope in the past couple of years or even ever just got me more scars it just got me feeling more low and depressed. I have even recently not gone out with long sleeved t-shirts and cardigans covering my arms like I have done the past 9 years. I don’t care who stares at me in the end I just want to feel happy and my scars are turning white after all this time 3-4 years ago they were red angry scars. I was admitted to hospital in 2011 due to mental health deterioration and my self-harm is what was concentrated on a lot and when I came out in the community the first year was hard  living with somebody I did not want to live with, and ended up in a&e twice having stitches.  Its been onwards and upwards recently and I have a supportive staff team in supported living who don’t want me to self harm, also I don’t have many awful days anymore so my self-harming ‘thoughts are not around as much.

Lucy x

A quick update 🙂🙂

Hi 

Things are going quite well at the moment !! 

I am still doing voluntary work doing admin which I really enjoy at the council community housing , I also have a second voluntary once a month doing more admin type work. 

I am doing quite well with my swimming lessons 

Still doing my oca creative writing foundations course 

I’ve been to the theatre this month to see the Addams family which I really enjoyed!!i met the cast on the Wednesday!

My mood is stable nearly all of the time and my sleeps gradually getting better – started a new medication which helps mood and sleep. I have not self harmed for months now my scars are fading 🙂

I’m back on track with my healthy eating I lost 5 pounds last week. 👍👍

I’m worrying a bit about personal independence payment I Have done the long form now waiting for an assessment I had dla for years. 

Seeing my friend luke soon I’m looking forward to that. 🙂

Enjoying television right now especially big brother ❤️

Looking forward to seeing despicable me 3 in the cinemas at the end of the month. 

I had a makeover photoshoot a few weeks ago with a Groupon voucher in Sutton Coldfield I really enjoyed it and I am so pleased with the photos ! 

I have enjoyed the weather over the weekend especially on Father’s Day☀️

I will write a blog soon 
Lucy x 

Update❤️

Hi

Its been a while since I posted on here, a couple of months. 

Things are going quite well , except having a personal independent payment form to fill in which is frustrating wondering whether I’ll have to go for an assessment. 

I’ve been busy I do swimming lessons once a week on a Wednesday, which I enjoy and i’m looking forward to being able to swim properly which will be soon. 

I’m doing creative writing course with OCA (open college of the arts) which I’m really enjoying and finding interesting. 

I’m watching Netflix every evening I’m watching pretty little liars which I’m enjoying right now. 🙂

I’m going to the theatre on Saturday to see ‘The Addams family’ at Birmingham Hippodrome. 

I still go to voluntary at the council which I really enjoy and gets me out there instead of just doing something for the sake of doing something. 

I feel happier and my sleeps slowly getting better – after all this time . I have been put on a new medication. 

I had a makeover recently and I was amazed at my pictures I receive my pictures next week on Saturday. 

Lucy xxx 

13 Reasons Why *spoilers*

Hi

I have recently finished watching 13 reasons why, I felt the series was very gripping but so sad at times. 

Hannah Baker was the main character who committed suicide and recorded 13 reasons why she committed suicide before she passed away. 

Hannah did not have a happy life she had no proper friends, she was raped, bullied and stalked in the series by some of her classmates.

On the day she committed suicide she went to see the school counsellor where she said she felt empty and in a way she said she wanted to commit suicide, she ended her life alone and both her wrists.

In some ways I could see what Hannah went through as I was bullied at school I too felt empty, alone, hated at school which has had a huge part of my life years after school. I felt like I wanted to die at 14 but i carried on even though I was awful to live with I just struggled on through.

 

I give this series 9/10 

Easter!

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday and today I attended writers club and i won the writers club writing competition. 

This is my story I entered into the competition 🙂 

17884647_10155012704530661_7954362491176846136_n

It was Easter Sunday in the month of April. The Smith family were off to a very old castle after the children had seen their eggs of the Easter bunny, the castle was hundreds of years old to take part in an Easter egg hunt which was 30 minutes away from their home in the East Midlands it was a big event which took part every three years for all adults and for children no matter what age you are all you had to do was donate a small donation which could be anything from a little bit of change to a big donation, which went towards events in the castle. It was 2.00pm in the afternoon and lots of families gathered in one of the main rooms of the castle to start the Easter egg hunt. It was a big gathering there must be around 30 families in the one room. The Smith family contained four members which were; Mike, Lynne and the children; Jessica and Liam. The Easter egg hunt was due to start at 14.30pm. The castle is hundreds of years old. As the Easter egg hunt began after the horn was raised, everybody started running across the castle looking in each room, corner, cupboard and every unique spot which could have small Easter eggs hidden in. there were a few surprises along the way such as spiders lurking in corners, squeaky floorboards making the families jump and even a couple of families thought they saw some objects move on their own and strange sounds some thought there were ghosts in the castle, was this a haunted castle?, some thought. The Easter egg hunt went on for hours as it was a very large castle with many floors and low rise ceilings. Some of the children were frightened by the unusual noises they heard such as screaming and banging. This was the first year the participants heard noises so it was frightening especially for the new participants and the children, but the organiser said it was nothing to worry about so that’s what some of them did took no notice. There would be a winner of the Easter egg hunt eventually, there was a ticking clock and the quickest to do it would get a prize on their completion of the hunt and there were smaller prizes for those in second and third place. The clock continued ticking as the hunt was underway the Smith family were enjoying taking part and had nearly completed the Easter egg hunt but then they got to a point where they got stuck each egg had a clue to the next location of the next egg but they just could not think where the next location could be they all thought so hard even the two children Jessica and Liam who were aged 8 and 11, then it clicked ‘it must be outside in the gardens’ thought Mike, behind a garden gnome their it was and with 5 minutes to go the Smiths had completed the whole Easter egg hunt in 1 hour 53 minutes they came in second place and were awarded with a certificate and a small Easter bunny chocolate, an older lady named Joan and her grandson Charlie who was six came in first place and they won a large Cadburys Easter egg and a certificate and in third place came the Harris family who got 2 bags of chocolate covered coins and a certificate too, the rest of the participants left empty handed with memories of a good day. Later that day the Easter celebrations continued in the castle with a table buffet of food and treats with everyone chatting, talking to each other it was a lovely day for all and for those who have never attended the Easter egg hunt in previous years it was nice to meet new faces from all over the Midlands and in the United Kingdom, the children had items to keep them occupied and other children to play with there was even more chocolate to eat which made everybody feel so full and sick!!  

At the end of the celebrations there was the children all pale faced looking shocked they had seen mythical creatures such as; a unicorn, fairies, troll, gnome and a unicorn. In the castles garden which left them all a little confused and worried what’s going to happen next or what surprise will follow next. In the blink of a second the adults came running and then came a spark of magic and in came what looked like an ordinary Easter bunny but it turned out to be an evil nasty Easter bunny which could speak and was saying lots of nasty comments to the children and snatching the Easter eggs off everyone, until a good fairy appeared to put a stop to the nasty Easter bunny by putting a magic spell onto the Easter bunny which zapped him away and gave the children and everybody else their Easter eggs back, and everybody then enjoyed the day including their new friends the mythical creatures excluding the evil Easter bunny but once the clock turned 6.pm all the mythical creatures disappeared until next Easter, they only had a short time with fun and games until their time was up in the castle it was like they were never there not even a speck of dust showed the creatures were ever there. This castle was full of magic and spirit and all in all it was a great Easter for each family and nothing got ruined in the end.   

The Smith family were on their way home and the children said, “I loved this Easter at the castle can we go again?” and the adults said “yes” and smiled. 

 

HAPPY EASTER 🙂

 

Lucy xx 

Mental health 

Recently my mental health has been stable but some days have been not so good with changes and feeling angry over small little comments that can be little but they feel a huge deal to me. Things play on my mind a lot which some people don’t realise . 

My sleep has been a problem recently I haven’t been sleeping much or not getting very good quality of sleep. 

The sun has been out ☀️ the past couple of days which has made a huge impact on how I’ve felt it always makes me feel much better when the weathers better it makes me more determined to go out I’ve even not worn a cardigan today I’ve let the sun get to my scars the scars are from the years of self harming the sun helps with vitamin d too . 

I’ve got some things for the future lined up seeing friends and possibly some future voluntary placements. I am really enjoying my new voluntary at Solihull community housing. 🙂

On a positive note I’ve only self harmed a couple of times this year and it’s April now so my scars are fading which im happy about after 10 years of doing that nasty habit. 

My thoughts have been more strong the past few weeks but i know the trigger and it’s to do with changes that have happened around me and thoughts about the past hag I cannot change like I wish I wasn’t the size I was and wish I hadn’t got to the size I am now, but on the other hand i am doing something about it by exercising and dieting. 

Lucy xx 

World autism awareness 

It’s been world autism awareness  this week – which autism is something I feel strongly about as I am on the autistic spectrum . I feel autism has progressed since I was at school and not many knew what autism was I feel that’s why I was diagnosed when I was 13 because people did not know much about it but as the years have gone on autism awareness has got much better. I didn’t get much support until I went to adult services as in the eyes of the professionals I was too old for help of children’s services ,I think that is why i went very downhill as the years went by because I never accepted my diagnosis and got no help with it. I think it’s so important with the age you are diagnosed . 
Lucy x 

Weight loss

Hi

In February 2017 I started my weight loss journey. I had gained 5 stone over 6/7 years which wouldn’t of happened if I wasn’t admitted into hospital but it made me better mentally.. I have tried groups such as weight watchers and shake diets but they haven’t worked for me. I know what to do but sticking to it is the hard part for me but this time I’ve cut the diet fizzy drinks out for water and cut all the rubbish out and joined the gym so I can go on the evening and I also do walking twice a week too. Before I got bigger i was never any bigger than a size 12/14 but then medication and bad food came along when I was in hospital and suddenly I was in size 16-18 clothes but I’ve lost nearly a stone in just over a month and I hope to carry on and get to my goal of 11 stone !!! 
Lucy x 

struggling

Hello,,,,,

I’ve been struggling recently with my thoughts they’ve not been the easiest obsessing over the numbers on the scale as they don’t seem to be going down even though i’ve cut so much out of my diet and i don’t even snack anymore on anything just eating my meals,  and i’m exercising 5 nights a week at the gym for 45 minutes, and walking lots. I just don’t want to go down the route i went down when I was 19/20 where i lost a lot of weight i know i’ve got a long way to go until i get to that. I weigh myself every morning at the moment which i know is too much. 

My thoughts are all over the place, saying i shouldn’t have to have support and just being generally negative and i’m getting bad urges to harm myself all of the time even though i’m trying to battle it. 

I’m so tired all of the time I don’t get to sleep till at least 2-3am in the middle of  the night or I wake up loads or get no sleep at all. I’m fed up of it.

My Moods are so up/down during the evenings I am encouraged to keep busy during the day so that helps but then I feel so low in the evenings when I wind down. 

 

xlucyx

Self harm awareness 

Hello 

Self harm is when  for example you cut , scratch or bang yourself on purpose . 

Last week was self harm awareness day which I feel strongly about as I think there should be more Awareness with self harm and other mental health conditions.

I’m learning to manage my self harm it’s not easy battling it each day. 

I have self harmed since I was 17/18 when I was very unhappy.. it’s a behaviour I think I have just got used to doing and became sort of a routine but recently it’s been less I am starting to do it less and less I have only done it once this year and we’re in the third month of 2017! 

I tend to do it to help me cope or when i am very frustrated over something or some sort of anger comes on very quick

I have hundreds of scars I hate on my arms , shoulders and hands and it’s just something I see every day which remind me of the bad times I’ve been through which sometimes reminds me of those bad places I’ve been in so I find it especially hard to move on from the past for example hospital, the dark moods, the awful thoughts I get and the hate I sometimes feel towards myself . 
Lucy xxx